"What Do You Think We Should Do?"

A valuable lesson in empowerment.

Leadership isn't for the faint of heart, as there are countless daily decisions that have a real impact on both the business and the lives of the people the organization supports. If you happen to be an entrepreneur, the pressure is even more intense because, for all practical purposes, everything is YOUR responsibility. Because it's the leader's responsibility to create and maintain success, that typically means the leader tends to do, well, everything.

This usually causes quite a bit of frustration in an organization – both from the leader who feels overworked and staff who don't believe they are trusted by leadership to do the jobs they were hired to do. Through experience, trial and error, and learning from mistakes, people who lead others mistakenly believe that a problem will be solved with more velocity, greater efficiency, and better results if they just do it themselves. This is often mistaken as hubris, pride, or the aforementioned lack of trust. The vast majority of the time, however, it's none of those. It's fear.

• Fear of the unknown.

• Fear of failure.

• Fear of what could happen if a deadline is missed.

• Fear of what the additional costs might be.

• Fear of not fully controlling precisely how the problem is solved.

Here's what usually happens: an employee comes to a leader with a problem they need help solving, so they ask what they should do. Most of the time, leaders will either simply give a direct answer and marching orders or, even worse, do it themselves and grumble about employees while they do it. The employee doesn't learn how to problem-solve, the leader's attention is diverted, and everyone is irritated at the situation. I know this because, for a long time, I was that leader.

That changed about ten years ago, and I have parenting twins to thank for it. As anyone who has kids knows, parenting is an exhausting, full-contact sport. As children learn, they ask a mind-numbing number of questions, and many times, it's easier to answer the question or fix the problem. After a while of parenting this way, we noticed that our sons were approaching us to solve every little problem they had, which was not only frustrating, but it was clear they weren't thinking, and that's not good for them, us, or the world. It was time to be more thoughtful and intentional with them.

We began asking one straightforward question when either of the boys came to us with any sort of quandary: "What do you think you should do?" Immediately, they would be arrested and forced to think. Many times, when they answered the question, their instincts were correct. Even when their solution wasn't thoroughly thought out or even inappropriate, it allowed us to have a conversation with them so they could learn from the situation.

I decided to apply the same approach at work so that when people came into my office to ask how to solve a problem, I'd ask the same question: "What do you think we should do?" I was blown away as, more often than not, the employee would either implement the same action I would have or, in some cases, come up with a better, more creative solution. It allowed true collaboration, erased any fear that it wouldn't be done right, and completely empowered the employee. Like parenting, I only wish I had used this tactic sooner.

Over time, I was able to let go of fear when working with others, which afforded me more time, increased employees' autonomy, and provided opportunities for their growth. It also shifted the feeling of responsibility for success from "me" to "we." It's one simple but powerful question we must always ask to help people do more than simple tasks; it will also help them think creatively for life.