'Twas the Night Before Promo Christmas - 2025 Edition

Important Note: I've written (and rewritten) a variation of this every year for the past decade. In that time, I've never used AI and only relied on my brain and, at times, rhymezone. With the proliferation of AI tools, I feel it's necessary that I share that, as in years past, I did not use any AI writing the below. Good, bad, or somewhere in between, it's all human generated. Could AI do better? Probably. Would it lose its soul and meaning? It would, at least to me.

With that out of the way, I hope you enjoy this year's edition.

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the nation,

No business was done, the industry was on vacation.

The merch was lined near the workspace with care,

In hopes that a large order would arrive with great fanfare.

The samples stacked neatly on the shelf just right,

As the majority would not be used for at least a fortnight.

Sporting a branded hat and other logoed gear,

I had just settled down to toast another completed year.

When over in the office arose such a commotion,

The ancient fax machine was suddenly in motion.

I jumped to my feet to see what would appear,

And in my great haste, I spilled half my beer.

With lights that were blinking and a drum that was rolling,

The venerable old fax machine with work was growling.

The paper was released from the worn-out plastic,

I began to read and felt enthusiastic.

The typeface was clear, some generic Epson serif

A long-lost client was seeking some merch, but worried about tariffs.

“I need your help, no time to lament,

The product I ordered is now up 50%!”

“I need 5,000 tote bags in hands by month’s end,

It’s impossible to find, at least at the quoted spend!”

The shaky supply chain had dashed all hope,

And I couldn’t bring myself to tell the client, “Nope.”

My fingers ran through my whiskers as I pondered their plight,

This was my chance to win back the client, to make everything right.

Working the phone with fingers fast as Van Halen’s Ed,

I reached out to suppliers, my heart filling with dread.

No cotton, no woven, no polyester blend,

At least at a pre-tariff price, every call a dead end.

Breaking the silence, my phone began to vibrate and chime,

A supplier found stock and the cost was fine.

The product was similar, and we were against the clock,

But my client knew the most popular product is the one that's in stock.

I spoke not a word, but went straight to my work,

And filled all the fields, like a crazed data clerk.

Finishing moments before the deadline expired,

I drew in a deep breath and felt rather inspired.

I reached for my phone to give the client a call,

And let them know, I would be able to help after all.

I gave them the final cost with a smile and ease,

And hearing their sigh of relief, I could tell they were pleased.

Pressing ‘end’ on my phone, the crisis had ended,

I grinned and knew the relationship had mended.

A Shiner Cheer in my hand as I turned off the light,

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”