The Beauty of Disappointment

Why those short-term gut punches end up being long-term gifts.

Growing up, it never really bothered me all that much when my parents were furious with me – and, trust me, I gave them ample reasons to be angry with me. However, like most children, it crushed my soul when my folks let me know that they weren't really mad, but disappointed. It took me years to understand that the reason I felt gutted in those moments was that disappointment is a deeply internal experience rooted in unmet expectations, which, in turn, feels like a personal failure with a more lingering emotional impact. In contrast, anger is an external emotion based on simple accountability.

This more profound connection to disappointment has extended into my adult, professional life. Anyone who knows me understands that I work diligently to avoid disappointing others, whether they are friends, colleagues, or prospects. Of course, I'm human and, therefore, fall short of those personal expectations from time to time, but that fear of disappointing people absolutely drives me.

On the flip side, I've been disappointed several times and, candidly, it stings far deeper than when someone simply cheeses me off:

• Colleagues – I've had people say they're going to do one thing when, clearly, they had plans to do something completely different. This was disappointing because I took what they said at face value and, in the end, felt intentionally lied to.

• Coworkers– I've had a former associate spread some very nasty and untrue rumors about me, my work ethic, and even my character. While no one who truly knows me took much stock in those rumors, it still was a gut punch I never expected or, frankly, deserved.

• Prospects – Just like anyone working in any sales capacity, I could wax poetic about prospects who said they would commit but never did - it's part of any business. However, the ones that continually use my time and ideas with the false promise of future work that never materialize, truly impact me on an intense level.

While each of the above instances made me feel much like my parents did 40 years ago, there are some outstanding lessons in every disappointment:

• The colleagues that disappointed me helped me cut through their carefully crafted façade to see them for who they really are – and there's so much value in that.

• The former coworker revealed their true character, which helped me maintain my distance from that type of toxicity.

• Those prospects that are happy to "use" me without using me have taught me to be fiercely protective and respectful of my most valuable resource: time. An additional benefit is that it has absolutely sharpened my "bullshit detector."

Those learned nuggets of insight reveal the absolute beauty of disappointment. While I doubt that any of the individuals (who will forever remain unnamed) felt the same emotions I did when I let my parents down, I'll forever be grateful to them. The value of long-term wisdom far outweighs the short-term hurt from any disappointment.