Opposite the Moment

Great leaders read the room, then give it what it's missing.

After my beloved Texas A&M Aggies opened the football season with a 50-0 win over Missouri State on September 5th, you might imagine the mood in the locker room was pretty damn good. After a shaky first half, the team dominated the Missouri State Bears in the second half and, understandably, the players were elated and celebrating. However, when head coach Mike Elko was asked why he was calm and collected during a press conference immediately following the game, he said something that really struck a chord with me:

"My job is to always be opposite the moment."

Sure, I'm biased about anything related to Texas A&M, but I think that's genius.

Elko wasn't suggesting that his job was to be miserable because everyone else was happy. Nor was he advocating for being a contrarian simply for the sake of it. He was describing why being a leader is understanding what your team needs from you at any particular moment:

• Calm when chaos comes

• Confident when doubt creeps in

• Demanding when standards slip

• Encouraging when confidence drops

• Patient when frustration grows

In other words, don't simply mirror the emotional temperature of the room; give the room what it's missing.

We often confuse consistency in leadership with showing up exactly the same way every day. We admire leaders who are steady, predictable, and unwavering, and there's certainly real value in all of those qualities. But perhaps we've misunderstood what consistency should actually mean. While your values should be consistent, your response shouldn't necessarily be.

There are moments when your team needs you to push harder and others when they desperately need you to back off. There are times when confidence needs to be tempered with a dose of reality and others when doubt needs to be met with unwavering belief. Sometimes people need answers, sometimes they need to be questioned, and sometimes they simply need you to shut up and listen.

The challenge, of course, is knowing which moment you're in, which is why leadership is so difficult.

It's much easier to lead according to our own emotions: If we're frustrated, we show frustration. If we're excited, we join the celebration. If we're worried, we allow everyone else to see our concern. But real, leadership isn't always about expressing what we're feeling. In fact, I'd argue that it's usually about providing what your team needs.

Imagine if the Aggies had lost that game 50-0 instead of winning it (something I really don’t want to think about). I suspect those players wouldn't have needed Elko to remind them how badly things had gone, nor would they have needed someone else piling disappointment on top of disappointment. Instead, they likely would've needed perspective, confidence, and a reminder that one terrible afternoon doesn't have to define an entire season.

Same coach, same values, but a completely different response because it would've been a different moment.

The best leaders I've known seem to understand this instinctively. Instead of entering every room with a predetermined approach, they read it. They listen and observe before deciding what they can add that will help move the group forward. For the record, that's not inconsistent leadership; it’s supremely adaptable leadership.

Leadership will always require knowing when to challenge and when to encourage, when to raise the temperature and when to lower it, and when to demand more and when to remind people how capable they already are.

The hard part is recognizing what the moment requires, because your team doesn't always need you to feel what they're feeling. What they need you to do is give them what the moment is missing.